


Always There

by paladincoolcats



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Accidental Self-Harm, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Knives, Light Smut, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Minor Violence, Non-Graphic Smut, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic Attacks, Past Injury, Self-Harm, Sex, Smut, scratches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:51:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paladincoolcats/pseuds/paladincoolcats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sexual romp quickly turns frightening when Ciel has a panic attack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always There

It wasn't anything Ciel was expecting. It never was. He was even having quite an enjoyable time, pinned under his butler with three long and nimble fingers pressing in and out of his ass. 

“Fuck me,” Ciel demanded of the demon above him, and Sebastian smirked widely. 

“Yes, my lord.”

Upon pulling out his fingers and with a swift grab to Ciel’s ankles, Sebastian flipped the boy from his back to his stomach in a single fluid motion. Ciel gave a slight gasp, and he was smiling until Sebastian’s hand pressed his lower back down to make him arch it, for just as Sebastian pushed him down, in Ciel’s mind it was no longer Sebastian’s hand. 

The young lord gasped out, collapsing onto the bed and attempting to yank himself across the rumpled sheets. He could feel himself slipping, told himself it was just Sebastian with him, he trusted Sebastian, Sebastian would never let harm come to him. However, by tugging himself across the sheets he he only efficiently tangled his ankles in the cotton fabric, that to his quickly depleting state of mind, felt like rough rope tying him down, keeping him still. 

Sebastian removed his hands from Ciel immediately, sensing the boy’s panic, “Did I harm you, darling?” 

But Ciel was no longer hearing Sebastian. He could hear the sneers of the horrible men, feel the pressure of sharp blades breaking his skin, and after several moments he could hear a shrill sound. A shrill sound that, although he couldn't place it at the time, was himself screaming. 

The demon was pulling Ciel up into his arms immediately, alarm coursing through him as he traced his hand over his master for any sort of injury. The boy thrashed against Sebastian, smacking and shoving, pulling at his own hair as he screamed out in what sounded like pure agony. 

“Get off! Somebody help me!” Ciel wailed. “Don't let them hurt me- Seb-  _ Sebastian! _ ”

It left the demon floundering for a few moments as the boy twisted back from his arms and collapsed onto the mattress, curling up small and trembling violently. At that, realization struck Sebastian with full force. The young earl was having a panic attack. 

Sebastian could see it then, in the boy’s wide-blown pupils, the spacey look on his panicked face, how he clawed and smacked at things that weren't there. Rarely did the boy’s attacks get so awful, but when they did, not even Sebastian could draw the boy from them. 

“Damn it,” Sebastian cursed. “My dear Bocchan, can you hear me? It's me, darling.”

Ciel was simply not seeing what was truly before him. Rather, he was stuck back in his dreadful cage, being sliced at with knives, being hit. He had no idea how he had even gotten there, or why Sebastian wasn't coming to save him. Sebastian was always there to save him if Ciel’s life was in danger, and the boy felt as if his heart was going to stop from just the sheer agony of his situation. 

Bloody marks were beginning to form on the boy’s pale skin, as without clothing on, the wild scratching from his own nails was causing quite the damage. 

It would only panic the boy more, but Sebastian had no choice. He couldn't allow his little darling to injure himself too terribly. The demon tugged the thrashing and sobbing mess before him back into his arms, his heart aching in a strange painful way as Ciel screamed out louder, shoving at Sebastian. 

“Don't touch me, get off of me- Sebastian please help me! Sebastian where are you? Help me, help me, Sebastian! Don't let them do this to me-”

“I'm right here, Ciel, have you…” Sebastian clutched tightly to the thrashing boy, keeping his arms pinned tightly to his chest and his head pressed directly over Sebastian’s heartbeat. “It's Sebastian, I have you, you're safe-”

The demon began repeating it like a mantra while the boy continued to writhe and sob out cries for help. Sebastian could protect him from thieves, murderers, and anyone who meant harm to his dear master, but the one thing Sebastian could not shield Ciel from was Ciel’s mind. And it drove the demon mad at times, having to sit by idly while his boy suffered. 

In previous attacks, Ciel's state of mind always went back before Sebastian had met him. Hearing Ciel scream out to him for help had Sebastian’s heart doing odd things, his throat feeling as if someone had shoved a hot iron down it. 

“I'm here, baby bird, I'm here,” Sebastian tried desperately, but Ciel couldn't hear him or comprehend. All Sebastian could do was hold tight, keep Ciel from hurting himself, and wait it out.

It felt like hours, but rather after twenty minutes or so of Ciel’s sobbing and screaming, all the while being held onto tightly so that he couldn't injure himself, the young lord’s tears subsided as he went limp in Sebastian’s grip, stopped fighting the demon. 

Sebastian remained quiet to avoid spooking the trembling boy further. Rather, he stroked at Ciel’s hair and kissed the top of his soft head. He finally released the boy’s arms, rubbing at the bloody scratches on Ciel’s porcelain skin. 

He did take Ciel’s exhausted state as his opportunity to gently slip the boy into a nightgown. It was the middle of the day but there was certainly no chance that he was allowing the earl to continue on with his schedule. He pulled on a pair of boxers and a simple white button up shirt, that was far more wrinkled than he liked, and slipped back onto the bed with the dozing boy. 

As soon as Sebastian took him into his arms once more, Ciel jolted awake with a gasp, “Wait-”

“It's me, dear one,” Sebastian quickly took Ciel’s face between his hands to make the boy meet his eyes, but also to examine his pupils and to check for any glassy appearance they might hold. Much to his relief, Ciel seemed mentally present, but unfortunately had tears welling in his lovely blue and violet eyes. 

“Hold me,” Ciel requested weakly. “You weren't there, Sebastian, where were…”

Ciel didn't have the chance to finish, as Sebastian had pulled Ciel to cradle him to his chest as if he were an infant, “It wasn't real. It wasn't real at all, darling, I'm sorry that I was the cause for all of that. Perhaps I was too rough?”

Generally when Ciel was injured, it was no trouble at all for Sebastian to keep himself composed. Demons were lucky in a sense that if they didn't wish to feel an emotion, they didn't have to. And yet, Sebastian could not have helped the overwhelming worry he felt for his young master. It had him so much gentler than usual, so much sweeter. He usually tried to keep at least some form of butler-ly role up for his master, but he could sense what Ciel needed. And his Ciel needed tenderness. 

Fingers curled into the fabric of Sebastian’s shirt, “You're here now, don't ever let them touch me again, you're here now I need you-”

Clearly the poor boy was still shaken from his attack, and although was finally aware of his surroundings, still was trying to differentiate the flashback from reality. 

“It wasn't real, my sweet. I assure you it wasn't. It was all an illusion, you had an awful terror fit.”

Ciel was quiet for several moments, “I could feel their knives on my skin… And their spit as they laughed in my face, Sebastian, it was so real! And you weren't there, I was begging you! I needed you to rescue me, I was calling out for you and you never came.”

The boy’s trembling had started back up, but Sebastian sat him up so that they could still hold on to each other. With both hands, Sebastian’s pale fingers enveloped Ciel’s tear stained cheeks, his thumbs brushing over sticky, damp eyes, “And that is precisely how you can tell that it's not real. If you are ever in danger, if you are calling out to me, I will be there. I would never allow harm to come to you. I will always protect you, master. Must I remind you that I am simply one hell of a butler?”

He hoped the pun would draw Ciel into rolling his eyes, but instead, Ciel grabbed one of Sebastian’s hands from his cheek and held on to it tightly, stroking over the smooth black fingernails and the mark standing out so starkly against the milky back of his hand.

“Alright… just don't ever leave me, Sebastian. Please. That's an or-… Please.”

“I'll be by your side forever, or until the end, my dear bocchan. Let's get your face washed and some sweets in your tummy. What a better way to cheer up than chocolate, yes?” 

Ciel held his arms up weakly, a slight flush to his cheeks, and Sebastian gladly scooped up the exhausted boy up to carry him towards his wash basin. He’d clean up his darling, dress himself more efficiently, and carry the boy to the kitchen to watch Sebastian make some form of cake. It didn't even matter that it would be highly irresponsible for an earl to sit in the kitchen in pajamas, but Sebastian would be there to cover up for him. Sebastian would always be there.


End file.
